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www.crimsontears.net - check out their official website. I just heard their music and i pretty much fell in love with it. anyway take a look, have a listen, and sign the guestbook, then spread the word, these guys definatly deserve to get their music heard and properly signed
First I have to go through everything that's been happening these last few weeks, then i find out that my old best mate is back in the Uk for the first time in about a year, we used to do everything together in school, but now she's back here, doesnt tell me, and hasnt bothered to arrange to meet ot even contacted me in any way.
I'm no longer her friend by the looks of it and the only reson i can work out for that is - she found that she, unlike me, could be accepted with the people who used to be "cool" in school. She used to be the outcast to, nobody else bothered with us, and now she's alienating me just the same way they did to both of us last year. I know it sounds childish but when i make friends i tend to hold on to them not dump them in favour of somebody who's seen to be in a better social group. I guess that's one thing i've got to be grateful for though - atleast now i have a few close friends who arn't going to do the same thing, they tell me they love me all the time and i know they arn't the sort of people to do what she has, deep down though it still has me feeling insecure, it's like if she could do it what stops them from doing the same?
- Mood:
rejected
I dont know how he could do that to us all, especially mum, i'll deal with it because i have to be strong for her and the kids just like i was when she got cancer and i had to look after them all.
I just cant believe how sick and twisted somebody can be - she's mum's best friend
- Mood:
angry - Music:wake up hate - korn
just come back from camping, i told my parents that i was staying at a friends house so they would say yes. I had a brilliant time and saw loads of people i hadn't seen in ages including a girl who used to be in my class in school before she lefyt foor a college. I also met a lad who i used to be really good friends with, he has turned out really sweet and we got on really well so then he asked me out, i think he was a bit nervous about it. I said yes though coz he is really cute. I thought he was about 15 or 16 because he's really mature and the same size as all of my other friends my age. Turns out though he's still only 13. The age gap isnt that obvious because of how mature he is - he really does act a lot older and he looks a lot older, im still a little aprenhensive about it though despite the fact that ometimes I can be immature for a 16 year old. It seems to be workin out fine so far, we are both on the same wavelength and i WASNT drunk or stoned this time so i could enjoy the whole experience as it came. We didnt do much , he didnt want to push me into doing anything i was uncomfortable with and I wouldnt have agreed anyway for the first day because of his age.
I'll see how it goes and let ou know though.
Lads are so confusing. I have a friend from HOnk Kong who is having trouble with her boyfriend, she just came back to boarding school (the same one that I go to) and she is already having arguments with him. She was in a bad mood and said some things she shouldnt and her room mate who knows the guy as she is from the same place told him everything she said. My friend is the kind of person who always worries and now even though he is saying he loves her he is acting as if he likes another girl aswell so she is really upset because she doesnt know what to think. I have been in a long distance relationship before so I know that it has to be strong in order for it to last, im not sure that those two can make it work though to be honest, and im not saying that to be mean its just that if they are always arguing and she doesnt trust him then is there really that much hope when they will be going for months at a time without seeing eachother?
For me its getting confusing aswell. I heard from a friend tha my ex is dating some girl that I know. I thought I might have been falling for him again, i wasnt sure, afterall he is an ex and it could have just been curiosity not attraction as i might have wanted to see if we have a chance. The thing is he was always hugging me and stuff and insisted on spending nearly the whole day with me and now i feel kind of led on. He's not called for me since moday, im going to see if he calls for me at the weekend and if not then I will just have 2 admit that flik was right and I shouldnt have wanted to try again with an ex, especially not him
Then another lad who has been helping me through stuff finished his MSN convo with i love you and loads of kisses, i had told him something that I hadnt told anyone else and we have both been helping eachother through probems over the last few months. I've been scared of admitting i like him though because of the situation and the fact that both of us have things to deal with. Admittedly i do like him and i know there could be something there, these feelings are moer definate than the ones i have to my ex but im scared because i dont know how we would make it work.
We ended up second group in which is a pretty good result, especially as none of us had done much like that before. I guess we got our abilities from classes and outside of school then each used what we were good at in order to find each place.
We went through everything we are going to need to know to get through the first year including study techniques and that sort of thing. Plus all about applying for uni's and getting ready to apply for them. It seems a little scary when i dont know exactly what course i want to do and yet i pretty uch only have 2 years to decide whats best for me.
On the plus side, despite all the work it looks like we are gonna have to do, it might be a kinda fun year. We are going to be treated more as adults and get more independance and a .ot of the learning is up to us.
I think i'll get on well here because the teachers say they only step in when it looks like we arn't going to do well or if we miss multiple deadlines and they dont see any essays from us for ages.
why do guys have to be so confusing? And now that term starts i won't be able to spend as much time with him because i'll be there all day plus i'm gonna have loads of work to when I do come home. i'm jusdt hoping we can get it to work out somehow
A lot has benn going on lately including the guy i like informing me that he has to choose between 3 girls to dat. That hurt a lot because everybody thinks we would be good together and some people even told em that he liked me. He sent ihbs little sister for me a while ago when my parents were out, she said he needed to tsalk to me. I couldnt go out because i didnt have a key on me too lock the door and so had to wait for them to return. I hope he plans on calling for me in a bit when i have finished my tea and the rain had died down a little because i ant to hang out in his house and i want to be told that it's me he wants instead of one of those three. It's never gonna happen but a girl can dream right?
Then I've just come back from getting my GCSE exam results so i'll list them all here for you
business studies - B
English Language -
English Literature - A
Geography
HIstory
Mathematics - C
Religious Studies - A*
Welsh (oral, listening and writing ) - B
Science Double award - c
Science double award - C
so I've got the marks i needed to go to sith form and i was allowed to sign up for all of the courses I wanted to do. They arnt amazing marks admittedly but i'm kind of proud of them and the fact that I got the right marks to continue education for the next two years before going to university.
we didnt drink and we didnt do drugs no matter what my parents think. His little sister kept coming into the room and asking if we were together yet and i just did the whole no comment thing because to be honest it was kind of embarrasing, i didnt qwant to say no when she asked if I would becasue i think he is a great guy and i do think that there may be potentially something there for us. BUt at the same time I didnt wat to say yes because my parents are still angry about us hanging out and I dont know if he feels like its a possibility right now. We were together at one point and we were amazing together, that was probably one of the best points in my life even though it was at a time when i was trying to find my footing on the social ladder and may have made a few mistakes. I remember that after I had stopped hanging out with him my grades got really bad because i felt liek I had nobody, I would even burst nito tears and cry to my mum about how i was a faliure bcause nobody liekd me. NOw though both me and him are in so much more of a stavle poitn in our lives and i think that this will realy work out if only we are given a chance.
HE regrets dropping out of school, and is getting the highest marks possible in his courses and is going to do a proper course in september. He is really clever and has stopped the cutting, he even provesd it , all of his scars were now almost invisible thin white lines and he says it was stupid of him to do it in the first place no matter how angry he was.
Im really proud of him and when he sees that i've started making a future for myself as well i think he's going to feel the same. He thinks it cool that im staying on in school and that i found something that i might want to do.
I will admit that he still does weed, but he also says that I shouldnt feel like i need to aswell. My paretns cant hold that against him unless they want to condem everybody else i know though - everybody i hang out with in school does it aswell as him, they just keep it secret because they havnt got as bad a reputation.
when I left he gave me a hug, like he has been doing for the last 2 days i've seen him and it feels great because nobody else seems to do that for me, or show any affection. MY legs actually felt weak afterwards because i was so happy. THe only downside to that though is that my mum thinks i was either high or drunk even though she couldnt prove it.
- Location:Home
- Music:dark light - HIM
HE gave me a hug :) , and that was really comforting, nobody has shown me any affection for ages so it was really sweet of him, and now I dont feel so alone
My parents arnt to happy about it though - these guys dont have a brilliant reputation, but they have always looked out for me before and S even told me not to feel like i had to do anything that they and the others were doing, everything was my choice. So you see they are really good guys and I have no idea what my parents have against them - he was my first realy BF but that shouldnt be a bad thing should it?
Anyway I'm hopefully going to get to hang out with them tomorrow, and we are going to this club thing to play this game on thursdays - the first proper organised meeting I;ve had to lok forward too
- Mood:
loved
last night the wierdest thing happened. It's kind of good though. I made a promise with a friend who has been helping me out in return for helping them out when they were in the same situation. They still get low about it all sometimes. BUt basically it was a promise that even though right now we both felt like there wasnt much hope we would agree that things will turn out fine for us eventually, we wouldnt give up no matter how much we felt like it at the time. I gues this is liek the opposite of a suicide pact - it's a pact to be as strong as we can and to try our best to change our circumstances. I'm glad becasue i'm one who doesnt go back on her promises so I know that I wont go back on this one because I dont want to let my friend down, it eans i've got a chance
- Location:home
- Mood:
gloomy - Music:within temptation - angels
Basically it is a seaside town, but surrounded by mountains until you get right down to the sea, and even there there's loads of cliffs. It's near a town with a castle (yes a lot of towns in Wales have castles). NEar the beach there si a really small family pub that doesnt get much business and is kind of slack on the drinking age rules - although that might just be because i look older than i am - but anyway take it how you want. There's so many camping sites to choose from but theres only one decent one for a cheap price - the rest are either majorly expensive or a mess.
The first day we went there was really hot but we didnt arrive until late in the day so by the time we had set uo camp it had pretty much gone dark and was almost time to go to bed. The next two days were horrible weather. It just rained and rained for ages so we were stuck inside and couldnt do anything because none of us had brought waterproofs so we couldnt go walking up mountains in that weather - we'd get drenched.
The last day was way to hot though - seems like wales never gets the balance right - either that or none of us are used to the sun lol. We went down to the beach anyway because its always a lot cooler there than it is in the campsite despite being only around a mile away .
- Location:home
- Mood:
exhausted - Music:the howling - within temptation
